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Campbell Chapter, Order of DeMolay                                                                           February, 1999                                                                           Issue 113


This publication acknowledges allegiance and yields authority to DeMolay International of the Order of DeMolay, of which Frank S. Land was founder.


 

Table of Contents

 

From the East1

From the West1

From The North. 2

Treasurer's Thoughts. 2

Scribe's Corner. 2

The Great Campbell Quiz. 3

Golden Rule Installation. 3

Rifle Tournament3

Bowling Tournament4

Visitation(s) Across The Bay. 4

Mystery Trip. 4

L.A. Trip. 4

San Jose #5 Installation. 5

All Night Patriotic Movies. 5

Waffle Breakfast5

East-West Shrine Game. 5

Super Bowl Party. 6

OBITUARIES.. 6

COMMUNICATION PROBLEM... 6

Chapter Dad. 7

Editorial7

 


 

 

From the East

 

 

Well, once again coming from the east, I am your fearless leader, Arthur.  A lot has happened since I last wrote an article.  Let’s see, we went to the West-East Shrine Game.  The game ended the same way it has for the last couple of years, east beating west 34-19.  Oh wait, that was the score of a certain game that only one TV network was covering.  Which brings me to my next event, The XXXIII Super Bowl.  Once again the commercials were much better than the game…  Nobody, who went, can forget the Mystery Trip that was a mystery to everyone including me.  Key lesson: Make reservations for everything.  As you guessed they are not in order, but it’s just easier for me.  I’m really glad that everyone has supported me this term whether they wanted to or not.  Now is the time I must make my comments on sports.  Here is my farewell to the 49ers.  This past year the 49ers had their ups and downs.  The best was their outstanding win over those cheesy Lambeu Field occupants, The Packers.  The season did end on a sour note.  The excruciating loss by the Dirty Nerds of Atlanta who got spanked in the Super Bowl.  Finally, I leave you with this question: What is the difference between the U.S. and England?  Ask me for the answer.

 


Your M.C.,
Arthur Cardoza

 


 

 

From the West

 


Gentlemen!  Lend me your ears (or eyes rather because I probably won't be reading this to you),

Just a quick reminder that March 6 is supposed to be the day of the apocalypse or the end of the world (yes you heard me right - so you'd better mark it in your calendars and tell everyone that you know).  Just to be sure that you don't frighten anyone however, let's use Flea Market as a code name.  :o)

Alright, we all know that it is the west's job to organize fundraisers right?  Well, that's all fun and dandy but the group (you) have a much larger responsibility.  Your function is to show as much enthusiasm and as much dedication as you possible can - what does that mean?  Well, for starters we all need to understand that it's the group that works and the group that wins or loses.  If you get that piece of philosophy you're set!

Anyway guys, we are going to be having a "Sweethearts Serenade" on Valentine's Day.  For all you shy lovers out there -V-day would be the 14th of February, a Sunday.  Just remember that it will be a sweet bunch of waffles -fruit- juice (complete with classical music) and anything else I hear from you.

Also occurring very soon will be the sale of gift checks (yes we are in the second month of 1999 but that's no excuse for not being able to sell a few.


Other than those few but major things I'm about done, but first a little game.

The Flea ________ will occur on(in) __________.
The Gift Check sales are possible even in _________.
_________ Day is reserved for _________ with _____ as a main helper.
Monica Lewinsky is ___________.

So there you have it - this is the West signing off.


Peanut Butter and Jelly,
Eddie (Copper- if you really think you know me).

 

 


 

 

From The North

 

 

Let's see, these days have been filling up nicely with sights and juicy tidbits to show our chapter still has what it takes to be the greatest.  The biggest news is that Jo-Ra-De is starting again, that’s great to hear, especially with the expansion of groups comes more juice.  Way to go Chris in starting what may prove to be a giant step in the closeness of the groups.  Now on to the members.  Just from the press, Arthur Cardoza was chosen as San Jose #5's Beau at their last installation.  It figures after Nick (2), Chris A. (1), and Chris R. (1) they needed some new blood.  They should have had a better draw though, like best 2 out of 3.  Chris A. to join the line, as candidate for J.C., Matt to join as candidate for S.C., as our current J.C. Terrance Wilson is soon to be known as Private Wilson of U.S. Army.  Ha, Ha!!  Our government is known for some drastic measures, but Terrance as Military Intelligence, that's got to be an oxymoron; Chris R., soon to become pilot, maybe in a few years as his AFROTC class takes off.  New member Kevin found new friend Nick, as Nick's secret life unfolds.  Just don't be around him when bowling, he doesn't remember how to walk.  Parker, the man whose got the girls running around at his feet, is going to grow into a real Campbell DeMolay.  Eddie Maez NEEDS YOUR HELP.  He says we need to sell lots of tickets which will be available at will.  MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.  Also, beware, a meeting of epic proportions to be coming soon.  It will be about life or death.

 

 

Ghost Writer

 

 


 

 

Treasurer's Thoughts

 

 

Well these days the chapters money is good.  Many problems though for the next term are arriving.  This term has held 2 fundraisers, a dinner, which made about $100.00, and the East-West Pin Sales, which netted about $50.00, plus the recycling throughout, $100.00.  These numbers are not good for the chapter, granted, we do have a Valentines Breakfast, gift check sales and a flea market.  I WANT EVERYONE WHO RECEIVES THIS CHAMP TO SELL LOTS OF "GIFT CHECKS" TO THEIR PARENTS AND ANYBODY ELSE THEY MIGHT KNOW. 

Anyway, enough with the talk.  I know you are all tired of it.  Sorry I haven't been around much, but I'm trying to adjust my schedule to perfection.  It hasn't happened yet.  Currently, I am enrolled in 15 units, working 40+ hours a week, and desperately trying to fit in my friends (you guys), and a life.  As it is, I'm home much of the day so if anyone ever needs me to make calls for planning I can do it just give me a call.

Just one last thought before I go, PLANNING is the key to SUCCESS.


Tah, tah for now.


Chris Rogers

 

 


 

 

Scribe's Corner

 

 

I am inspiration for the uninspired. 
I bought some powered water, but I didn't know what to add it with. 
I Xeroxed a mirror.  Now I have an extra Xerox machine. 
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  He's gone now. 
I tried to daydream, but my mind keeps wondering. 
If you ever fall off of the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. 
Better not take a dog on a space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. 
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you. 
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then I could keep both Dracula and Superman away. 
This is my sand box I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. 
If money is the root of all evil how come the dollar bill says "In God we Trust" on it? 
After watching that boring game I thought I'd come up with my Top Ten ways to make the Super Bowl more exciting. 
10. Instead of a football, use a snarling, hissing wolverine
9.  11 players, 10 uniforms
8.  Residents of winning city don't have to pay taxes for a year
7.  If you go off sides, you have to kiss Dan Dierdorf on the lips
6.  Whatever a player's number is, that's how many burritos he has to eat before the game
5.  One guy on each side gets a pool cue and a garbage-can lid
4.  For a final quarter, coat field with that nacho cheese stuff from the concession stands
3.Whenever there's a time-out, John Madden runs out on the field in a wedding dress trying to catch a greased pig
2.  Complete a pass, do a shot
1.  Blimp fights

Perhaps if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed and maybe in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by man.

 


-Matt Milde,
Scribe

 

 


 

 

The Great Campbell Quiz

 


1)Do they have a fourth of July in England? 
2)How many birthdays does the average man have? 
3)Some months have 31 days how many have 28? 
4)Why can't a man living in the U.S. be buried in Canada? 
5)Two men play 5 games of Checkers.  Each man wins the same number of games and there are no ties.  Explain. 
6)Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What is the answer? 
7)What was the president's name in 1950? 
8)How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? 
9)A clerk in the butcher shop is 5 feet 10 inches tall.  What does he weigh? 
10)How many animals of each sex did Moses take on to the ark? 
11)A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour.  How long would the pills last? 
12)If you only had one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first? 
13)I have two US coins totaling 55 cents.  One is not a nickel.  What are the coins? 
14)How many outs in an inning? 
15)What is Michael J. Fox's real name? 

Look to the Editorial page for all of the answers.

 

 


 

 

Golden Rule Installation

 

 

There is an old saying that goes, “Brothers will always be there for you.”  Or something like that.  Well, the installation for Golden Rule Lodge was no different.  The Worshipful Master to be installed was Dennis Conwell.  His host was, who else, his brother Tom Conwell.  Who, might I add, is the best bag-pipe player this side of the English Channel.  Mr. Conwell had something most people don’t, a host and a hostess.  The hostess was Mrs. Sandy Brewer.  The very interesting point brought up Tom Conwell about Dennis teaching him how to drive, specifically about those encouraging words, “Stop the car!”  The installation went very well from my point of view.  I would recommend it to anyone.

 


Arthur

 

 


 

 

Rifle Tournament

 

 

The rifle tournament was on December 21st with the team being Arthur, Chris Rogers, Nick, and Justin.  There was also Dad Nesbitt and Dad Downey with brother Parker Downey and his family and friends.  We did fairly well but could have done much better, if we had practiced more.  It was very fun and a great experience for all of us, even if it wasn't your first time shooting.  I enjoyed it a lot!

For next year we all decided that if we want to be the Nations best like we were before, we're going to try and shoot on the first Sunday of every month all year round.  But that's just a proposal, so if you want to go for it, let's do it!!!

So we all had fun time and I hope to see some more members next year!
Remember to PRACTICE FOR SOFTBALL!!!  1st place this year!


Athletics Chairman
Brother Justin Martin
Hi from my Fiancée, TJ
ORIOLES STILL ARE #1

 

 


 

 

Bowling Tournament

 

 

On Super Bowl Sunday Campbell Chapter embarked on our mission to go bowling before the big game.  With six members including Justin Martin, Nick Schilling, Chris Rogers, Matt Milde, Arthur Cardoza, and Chris Avila, we bowled four games, one of them being a practice game.  Also bowling along with us was our past Sweetheart Kristie Schilling.  Dad Taylor was along to watch us and record our scores.  We had a 30 minute wait before we could bowl since there were leagues ahead of us.

 

We all started out pretty good and got better as we went along.  From us Justin (me) had the high with 138 points but Kristie beat us all with 147.  Matt bowled the highest total points overall with 361 points.

 

We all had a great time and enjoyed the morning bowling.  We ended at about 12 noon.  We then went over to Arthur's house to enjoy the rest of the day playing around and watching the Super Bowl.  It was fun and I hope more people come bowl next year so we can get a placement.

 

Remember to start practicing for softball, even if it is working out for just a little bit every day.  I'm going to get back our 1st place rank as softball champs this year.  So let's go do it!

 


Sincerely,
Justin Martin
Athletics Chairman

"'Hi' from my Fiancée and go Orioles!"

 

 


 

 

Visitation(s) Across The Bay

 

 

On the day we were going to visit Pleasanton Chapter, the first of February, I arrived at the San Jose Masonic Center exactly at 6:30pm.  Dad Taylor was waiting and there was no sign of Matt or Arthur.  When I called Matt, I found out that he had called Arthur and told him he wasn’t coming and right then Arthur showed up.  Well, we left a few minutes late but surprisingly the traffic was light.  It has been a while since we last visited Pleasanton so we didn't remember exactly how to get there.  We arrived at around 7:20pm.  This time we didn't need to fill any parts since they had 16 members in attendance and one of the new ones demonstrated his Initiatory Degree proficiency.  They asked him to leave when he was finished so they could vote and they voted in favor of him.  Under old business the chaplain talked about the Rainbow installation and how he was chosen Beau and his mascot was Winnie the Pooh.  Wait, that sounds like an installation I went to.  Arthur was chosen Beau for San Jose Assembly #5 and his mascot was Winnie the Pooh.  Well, the meeting ended and there were refreshments; brownies, heart-shaped cookies, milk and coke.  We left around 9:00pm.

 


See you at the next visitation,
Nicholas C. Schilling

 

 


 

 

Mystery Trip

 

 

On Saturday morning, January 23, Parker, Matt, Arthur, Chris, Nick, Jeff Milde and I met at the Masonic Center to set out on our Mystery Trip.  We drove in the rain to Laser Quest in Mountain View, but to Arthur's surprise - it was packed and sold out for most of the afternoon.  Being champions of "changed plans" - we didn't let that spoil our afternoon.  Going to the movies was an option - but "A Bug's Life" didn't appeal to anyone.  So we went to the billiards hall next door to play pool.  Arthur and Matt insisted that the jukebox would improve their games, but Nick was the one who kept sinking the eight ball!  (By the way, have you run out of quarters yet Parker?)  Then we all went to Togo's for lunch.  The afternoon ended with a bang as the sparks literally began to fly when Nick had to give Chris a jump start because his car battery had died.

 


-Chris Avila

 

 


 

 

L.A. Trip

 

 

Well, Tuesday, Friday 29th the members split up into two caravans.  The first left at 8:30 a.m. with Bethel 206.  The second, mine, left at 12:30 p.m. with Assembly 147.  The drive was nice.  We were able to listen to CD’s with Arthur’s boom box.  At Highway 189, later that night, we detached from the Rainbows and continued onto Pasadena to the Masonic Temple.  When we reached it we were greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Milde.  They informed us that Eddie, Matt, and Parker were at the mall.  So Nick, Arthur, and I left the temple and met up with them.  When we got there we talked for a while and walked around the mall.  After it closed we proceeded back to the temple to play pool and watch movies.  Later that night, at a sudden urge Eddie got a craving for chocolate.  There is some symbolism to it but anyways.  As a Good Samaritan and the only person with wheels we went in search for some chocolate and gas.  At the station Eddie’s craving was subdued and Arthur was enhanced with a two for one Pepsi special.  Onto the supermarket where a 1 ¼ lb. chocolate bar did the trick.  From movies to pool to football in the dinning room, the night slipped away to morning as we fell asleep around 7:00 a.m.  It was 1:00 p.m. when we all woke up and crusaded down the steps.  Later on we left to work on the floats where we met 147 leaving and 206 going along with Pleasanton Chapter.  Our float, A Century of Roses, ended up winning the Governors Trophy.  If ever you want to know the feeling of a window washer, talk to Eddie & Nick up high on a board between to ladders sticking burgundy Mums on the float.  Yours truly had the great job of vacuuming & cleaning the messes they made.  Arthur, trying to score points with 206 ended up with sticky fingers & carrying flowers.  Go figure.  Parker cruised, helping whenever asked & Matt plucked flowers.  We left at nine after being there for over 5 hours.  Later that night we played hearts till the break of dawn or 4:30am.  Gosh, we had long nights.  About 1:00pm Thursday Nick, Parker and myself woke.  Matt and Eddie had already left with 206 to go to Disneyland and Arthur to the mall to hang with Pleasanton Chapter.  Now just the three of us headed back over to the floats to meet up with 147.  Sent into rush mode we continued to help until it was finally finished and the judges gave their scores.  We returned to the Rainbow advisor’s house and waited to leave.  Soon off to Disneyland.  About 8:00pm we entered the new realm, but were split.  For the next 3 ½ hours Nick, Parker and myself cruised the park in pursuit of them.  The lines were long but the rides were good.  At midnight we witnessed all the fireworks and found the adults.  About 45 minutes later we found all the girls.  The group then continued around the park until it closed, at 3:00am.  We proceed to Denny’s, had a bite and left, reaching the Rainbow’s house and asked their advisor if we’d be able to reach the temple now.  She said no cause all the roads leading there were closed.  She offered us the living room floor to stay until the parade ended and roads cleared.  About 1:00pm we reached the temple gathered our belongings then returned for the caravan home.  Everyone there had a blast, and I did too.  Until next year.

“Responsibility is not a choice one accepts or declines, but is an honor given to the distinguished ever worthy to wear it.”


Christopher Rogers @ 1999

 

 


 

 

San Jose #5 Installation

 

 

On Saturday, January 23, Nick, Arthur, Matt, Eddie and I attended the installation of San Jose #5 Rainbow girls.  Cherry Ann Serrano was installed as the Worthy Advisor for the new term.  During "Good Of The Order", Arthur was shocked to learn that he has been selected as the new beau for the assembly.  He was presented with a miniature "Pooh Bear" mascot that he promptly named "Forest".  The food at the reception was really good and everyone had a lot of fun.

 


Chris Avila

 

 


 

 

All Night Patriotic Movies

 

 

What could be more patriotic than honoring America through a library of humorous and dramatic films on the good ol' US of A?  No need to answer guys it was a rhetorical question.  Sitting back and chowing on Tombstone pizza, Dad Taylor, Nick, Arthur and myself crowded around the TV to see RED Dawn last Friday night.  Even though the movie was a supposed action/drama - none of us could help laugh at the incredible acting job of Patrick Swayze (although he did have us stumped at the creation of the squirrel noise.)  DOWN PERISCOPE, the second movie on the list and an actual comedy, provided a real treat to everyone especially with Lake (if ya know what I mean).  By this time there was a knock at the door and Matt joined the party.  We paused to take a movie break, Dad Taylor left and Chris entered in his place.  From there STRIPES was popped into the VCR and we all sat back and marveled at the complexities of mud wrestling.  That's it - darkness followed and when we woke up the next day, donuts and juice were supplied.  IT was all well and good as we watched COURAGE UNDER FIRE and THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, but I feel the most interesting thing was our scramble for blankets and footballs, our understanding on the wonders of garbage and the witnessing of a man coming back from the dead.  Don't understand what I mean?  Guess ya had to be there.  :op

 


-Eddie Maez

 

 


 

 

Waffle Breakfast

 

 

It was a great Valentine's Day on February 14, 1999.  On that special day we had a Waffle Breakfast at the San Jose Masonic Center.  When I got there I was the first DeMolay there and Dad Taylor was in the kitchen programming the electric sign.  As I started to set up Dad Downey and Parker showed up followed by Nick and Eddie.  Arthur came later.  The only problem that occurred was that the waffle iron was taking forever to heat cook iron the waffles.  So with my quick thinking and Eddie's OK we brought out the pancake grill and Dad Downey started to make pancakes and I said that I would do the eggs.  Little did I know that we were only doing scrambled eggs.  That isn't hard, but if you do it in a pan the size of one that was in the Flinstones movie, you are going to have a tough time.  Since Dad Downey was having trouble making the perfect pancake I suggested that we switch and we did so.  Well to make a long story short.  Fun was had by all.  I still have not made the perfect Mickey Mouse pancake.

 


"What Me Worry"
Scribe, Matt Milde

 

 


 

 

East-West Shrine Game

 

 

On Saturday, January 16, Nick, Chris, Arthur and I met at 8 am in the Masonic Center's parking lot to go to the East-West Shrine annual football game.  Unfortunately, we had to wait until 9:30 for Dad Taylor to arrive with the pins we were going to sell.  Luckily, we had the Job Daughters from Bethel 129 to keep us company, as we were going to caravan to the game.  Once we got to the stadium and after some parking lot confusion, the girls treated us to a tailgate party.  We warmed up for the big game by playing football in a grassy area in the parking lot - where of course I fell into the mud!  We sold pins walking through the parking lot and in the stadium.  Our seats as usual were in the end zone and the East won the game, but we still had a great time.

 


Chris Avila

 

 


 

 

Super Bowl Party

 

 

Well, another year goes by and another Super Bowl takes place.  As a tradition Campbell Chapter must have a pre-game game, which has been taking place since before I can remember or at least the past two years.  The star attraction for the game wasn't on the field, in fact, it took place when the players weren't even playing, but it was the commercials.  Once again Frank, Louie the lizard and 2 of the Budweiser frogs took first place as Campbell Chapter's favorite TV commercials.  The frogs lit up the screen with their extensive vocabulary, which is more than Bud, Weis and Er, and their exemplary use of their tongues.  Coming in a close second for our favorite was the Victoria's Secret commercial which attracted everyone's attention, especially that of the male audience.  The game was once again highlighted by the big plays as the Broncos spanked the "dirty nerds" of Atlanta 34-19.  It just goes to show you what a tip off to the police and a sting operation can do for a game.  So, I guess you could call the defensive player of the game the Miami police department.  And to all those Atlanta fans out there, "'dirty nerds' got lucky once but the 49ers will make sure that it will never happen again."

 


- Arthur Cardoza

P.S.  My prediction for next year: 49ers 37 - Jets 12.

 

 


 

 

OBITUARIES

 

 

Pillsbury Doughboy an Apparent Suicide - Poppin' Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy, is dead at 36, a probable suicide.  His body was discovered early today in an unattended oven heated to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.  According to a neighbor, Betty Crocker, who identified the body, fresh had been suffering from depression.  "He'd become very silent and withdrawn," Crocker said.  "Nobody could get a rise out of him.”  It is believed that the Dough Boy first became depressed when he realized he hadn't grown an inch in more than 30 years.  His outward cheerfulness apparently concealed a deep inferiority complex, which worsened with age.  "He was always so pitifully pale, " said Crocker. “  Now at least there is some color to him.”  Funeral Services will be held tomorrow at the Duncan Hines Funeral Home.  Mourners may view the body once it has been frosted. 

Campbell Kids Die - Boris and Doris Campbell, famed for decades as the Campbell Soup Kids, died today within hours of each other.  Doctors at the scene believe both succumbed to Smurf Disease, other wise known as "acute cuteness."

Green Giant, 42, Dies of Overdose - The Green Giant collapsed and died yesterday from a chlorophyll overdose.  He was 42.  The body was found early this morning occupying parts of seven counties in northern California and southern Oregon.  The impact measured 8.5 on the Richter scale and was felt as far away as Ohio.  Observers at the scene believe that more than 4,000 victims are trapped beneath the Green Giant's body.  Health officials say that unless the immense rotting hulk is removed soon, a massive epidemic could result.  He is survived by a nephew, the Little Green Sprout.

NBC Peacock Dies - The NBC Peacock, 47, Died today of poor exposure after failing to fight off an epidemic of cable-TV programs and video-cassette releases.  He will be replaced by a turkey.

Energizer Rabbit Dies of Digestive Disorder - The Energizer Rabbit died today of a digestive ailment, brought on by eating the burritos while interrupting a Taco Bell commercial.  "He couldn't resist the Mexican food," an Energizer spokesman said.  "Within hours he was going and going and going.  It wasn't a pretty sight!  We tried to rush him into a Kaopectate commercial, but by then it was too late.  He was going, going, gone!"

 

 


 

 

 

COMMUNICATION PROBLEM

 

 

 

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests.  The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times!


Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my Bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way. 

Thank you, S. Berman


Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which instructions from management is to leave 3 soaps daily.  I hope this is satisfactory. 

Kathy, Relief Maid


Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid.  Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.  They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove them. 

S. Berman


Dear Room 635,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.  I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance. 

Your regular maid, Dotty


Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that You called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.  Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you. 

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper


Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.  In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.  Why are you doing this to me? 

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your Room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper


Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my Room including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.  I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.  The situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars of Camay!  I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial.  Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman


Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.  Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily.  I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays!  I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial!  I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper


Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.  As of today I possess: On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.  On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.  On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.  Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 Stack of 2.  In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.  On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.  On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.  One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

 

 

 


 

 

Chapter Dad

 


Well, it appears that the turn around has begun.

With the three new members it should be a lot easier to plan and carry out events.

To continue the turnaround we must do two things: 1) get more members and 2) keep the new members active.

To slip backwards all we have to do is to ignore the new members.  Don’t call them for events.  Have them sit alone at meetings.  Don’t talk to them.  Don’t involve them in your fun.  Accept any excuse they give for not learning their obligations.

Climbing forward takes work.  Sliding backwards is easy.


Dad Taylor

 

 


 

 

Editorial


"People who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do."
-Nick & Matt

 

If you came to this page by being referred from the first page you are dumber than we thought.  Yeah, like we’re going to do that.  If you knew us better you would know that we would rather have fun with you and give you the answers in the next Champ.  Please, if you think you know ALL the answers send it to Nick or Matt on a 9x12 sheet of binder paper.

 

Some of you may ask “Hey, what is the deal with the cover?  We all thought it was funny cause who would have ever expected a hot looking buff guy and a gorgeous woman to be on the cover of the Champ.”  Let us tell you something; that’s no woman, that’s a man, baby!  (One of Dr. Evil’s assassins.)

 

It all goes back to the year 1995, Bill Clinton was President fighting his anti-adultery and non-tobacco laws.  Meanwhile Newt Gingrich stated that he would stay in office until 2000 if Bill Clinton won re-election the following year.  Also the new Macintosh computer came out with its Performa 475 which was supposed to revolutionize computer software as we know it.  John Denver was promoting his new album “Sky’s The Limit: World Tour” which was going to start in the year 1998.  Princess Di was traveling all over the world to make sure that all abandoned land mines were to be removed by the year 2000.  After spending a day at Universal Studios for that year’s Pasadena trip, Nick and I decided to take a walk down Hollywood Boulevard to see the sights that any tourist would come to see.  As we walked down the most famous stretch of road in California, besides Lumbard Street, Vine, and the El Camino Real, we stopped of at the Groman’s Theater.  We decide to waste our money and become one of the stars, by putting our faces in cheap mark offs of magazines.  It was all just a flashback that Nick and I had on our first trip to Pasadena.

 

Nick and I are very please with the outcome of this month’s Champ, because without or creative genius it wouldn’t have been better than it is now.  The only thing that lacked was the due date and forgetfulness of people turning in their article.  Of course Nick and I can not do it alone, actually we could but it is preferred to be a chapter project.  Thank you very much to all of you that participated and feel free to write about anything you wish whether it be a movie review, a saga about anything you wish, or anything you might find amusing to add to the Champ.

 

 

-Nick & Matt

 

 


"The things written in the editorial aren't real and wont come true.  They were just thought up with our wild imaginations.  Please don't take anything literally." - The Editors


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The Editors